The Best Conversation

Today I had one of the best conversations of my life...with my 18 month old daughter. I was in the bathroom putting on makeup when I heard the door swing open.

Disclaimer: I found this to be one of the best conversations I've ever had because it is the first time where I realized afterwards...I just had a little conversation with my daughter. There were no great revelations made, no surprise turn of events, nor any secrets revealed, but I don't think I will forget it any time soon. My baby is growing up!

Her: Momma!
Me: Hi, Maxine!
Her: How are you?
Me: I'm good, baby. How are you?
Her: "Goot"
Me: Did you drink your milk?
Her: Yes.
Me: Maxine, I wish I could stay home all day and play with. I don't want to go to work.
Her: Okay.
Me: Can I stay home?
Her: No.
Me: Should I go to work?
Her: No.
Me: What should I do then?
Her: Well....
Me: Where's daddy?
Her: (Points to the bedroom) Right there! (Runs away at this point.)

It's hard to believe this is the same little girl who couldn't lift her own head 18 months ago. Every day brings something new right now.

Does Everything Really Happen For a Reason?

Does everything really happen for a reason? I know I've found myself proclaiming that it does, but really? The term "everything", after all, is a pretty big umbrella. What about spilling coffee all over your desk? What is the reason for that? How about your shoe laces being untied and having to stop to retie them? What's the big plan behind that?

Nothing, I guess. So let's say "everything" doesn't really mean everything, but instead everything that disappoints, confuses, frustrates, depresses or angers you. Those are usually the things we usually question anyway. No one says "Wow, I found this crisp five dollar bill on the floor! Why, oh why, did this happen to me?"

I'm trying to decide if we say everything happens for a reason to make ourselves feel better, or because it's true. I know there are many instances in my life where I eventually got to a point in a situation where I said to myself "Oh -- now I get it! That's why xyz happened three years ago, because if it didn't, I wouldn't be in situation abc right now. Cool. I'm with you now, all knowing Universe."

But lately, I'm thinking some times, not all the time of course, but some times, things do just happen because they happen. Which, even as I type, I don't like. Thinking everything happens for a reason is a very comforting thought. What's comforting about randomness? I like things nailed down. I'd carry a hammer around with me if I could, just for that very reason. Or would I...?

Random thoughts can be cool. I don't even now how a random number generator works, but how cool is that (I know, I'm letting my inner nerd out). The shuffle feature on your ipod is cool. Who would think Elton John's Sacrifice immediately after Slim Shady would make for good work out music? Not me, but there you go.

Okay, it's not even 8:30am yet and I'm only half way through my coffee. I will not solve this mystery today. In the words of Scarlet O'Hara "after all, tomorrow is another day."

365 Days Ago

Three hundred and sixty-five days ago my eyes opened suddenly at 6am. A few seconds later, my water broke. After taking a shower, shaving my legs, packing Paul's overnight bag, and calling my boss, we headed for the hospital.

After 15 hours of pitocin, 1 epidural, watching 3 quarters of NBA finals game 3 (Lakers vs Celtics), and 2 and half hours of pushing, my daughter was born just after midnight.

Today, 365 days later, I woke up suddenly at 6am. This time it was to the sound of Maxine crying. My 364 days old daughter was ready for milk, ready to start the day, ready to walk around the living room carrying her favorite toy in hand.

Seriously, what a difference a year makes.

Quote of the Week

My 4 year old nephew: "Will Maxine be a woman when she grows up?"
Me: "yes."
Him: "That's disgusting."

Self Reflection

Yesterday I did some self reflection and realized that I have a tendency to start projects with a lot of excitement and due diligence, but to not actually complete them. The excitement dwindles and the due diligence is replaced by procrastination.

Mind you, I don't do this when it really matters. I did get my degree. I did actually have and do take care of my Maxine. Though I often put the ass in quality assurance engineer, I do a pretty good job at work.

It's my personal projects that I falter on.

I've decided 2 things. One, self reflection sucks. Ignorance really is bliss. Two, I've vowed to work on this whole failure to execute deal. I'm excited. I will be diligent in this pursuit.

...or maybe I won't and instead I'll watch reruns of Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D List. That is one good show. Yeah, that sounds so much better than working on myself.

That Damn Juno

Last night Juno was on TV again. I caught just the last 10 minutes, but of course there I was, standing in the kitchen tearing up like a sap. The scene with Juno laying in the bed and her father saying "you'll be back here some day on your terms", followed by Vanessa seeing her baby for the first time gets me EVERY time.

What is it about that movie?

What is it about so many movies? There is a list of movies that I can watch any time they are on TV. It doesn't matter how many times I've seen them.

Castaway. That might be one of the most perfect movies ever made. Favorite scene is easy. From the moment Tom Hanks shows up at Helen Hunt's house, to the time he drives away. It's perfection. If she doesn't at least want to runaway with him, then you'd think she didn't have a heart. But if she actually did, you'd think she was a terrible mother and wife. So heart wrenching, yet so good.

Something's Gotta Give. Ah, to live on the East Coast, summer in the Hamptons and live the life of a tortured writer. What more could you want?

You've Got Mail. This movie makes me want to pack up and move to NYC. I know, I know, the "real" NYC isn't really like that. But in this movie and in my head it is. I love how they show every season and how life changes year round. How can a Minnesotan not relate to that?

The Lake House. I think I have a girl crush on Sandra Bullock. I absolutely adore her. Love, love, love the soundtrack to this movie. Perfect music for every scene. This is the movie that introduced me to "This Never Happened Before" by Paul McCartney. I think the play count on iTunes shows that I've listened to it over 300 times.

So while I damn Juno for making me cry every single time, and each of these movies for sucking me in over and over again, I can't help but love them.

That's Classy

Almost 10 months into parenthood I realize I've already got my list of repeated, and I mean REPEATED, sayings. I like to think of them as trinkets of wisdom that my little M gets to hear. Because I'm in a good mood, I will now share my favorite with you:

Books are for reading, not for eating.

M loves her books, but apparently she loves eating them more than anything. Hats off to her for resisting the temptation as I'm actually reading them to her. She's polite enough to wait until I'm done. She is nothing if not classy.

The Distant Wagon

It's official: I fell off the wagon. Actually, it's more like I jumped off it. After 3 weeks of working out, I pretty much stopped altogether.

There's an easy solution. I just need more hours in the day. Four would be fantastic. I'd use 1 to work out. Two more to spend with my hubby and baby. And the last for an additional oh so needed extra hour of sleep.

On second thought I'd use half of that last hour to finish extra chores around the house. An extra half hour of sleep would be just fine.

As for those last 5 baby pounds, I've resorted to Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones. I was pleasantly surprised to see they've added more vegetarian options instead of the token 1-2 I'm used to seeing.

So the wagon has gone on without me...it's sort of a dot in the horizon now. Maybe I'll jump back on again sometime, but for now it remains in the distance.

Vishnu, Take the Elliptical?

Last Friday I went back to gym and as I was stretching, I realized I hadn't been to a gym in nearly 2 years. That was when I got mono and my doc said to lay off the exercise. I have never followed doctor's instructions like I did then. Ah, the memories. Naps on the couch, doing nothing after work, feeling perfectly OK about doing nothing but watching TV and sleeping. I'm feeling a song coming on...memories, like the colors of my mind...

But I digress. After a little stretching I got on the elliptical and here's the short version of my inner monologue:

Minutes 1-2: "Man, this feels great! Why did I ever stop working out?"

Minutes 3-4: "Okay, no need to start with level 3...lets cut back to level 1."

Around 5 minutes the "Jesus, take the wheel" song comes on the radio.

Minutes 5-10: "Jesus, take the elliptical! I can't do this! I hate working out. I'm OK with my extra 10 pounds....wait, I'm Hindu...Vishnu...please take the elliptical, please!"

Eventually I get into the groove and do not loose a lung in the process. Once I'm done, I see that I've burned about 200 calories in 30 minutes. My new mantra? A calorie not eaten, is a calorie burned. I will remember that the next time I'm craving some chocolate.

It's Monday now and I'm surprised to say that, yes, I did go back to the gym. We'll see how long it lasts....

Wrong Number Etiquette

In May I got a new cell phone number and from day one the wrong phone number calls began and continue to this day. I get at least 2 or 3 every day and often just let them go to voice mail. But one day the voice mail left was from an elementary school where some kid was sick and needed his mom to come pick him up. I felt bad that I hadn't picked up and there was no number to call back, so then I started picking them up again.

This brings me to my point. If you call someone and suspect that you've dialed the wrong number, please do not try to figure it out by asking (rudely I might add) "who's this?" Identify yourself first and/or state who you're looking for. Don't call me and demand to know who it is. If you do, you'll get a equally rude "who's this" back. Enough said.

What Recession?

Over the weekend we went The Olive Garden for dinner where we were told it was a 45 minute wait for 5 people. Every chair was taken in the waiting area and the only place we could find to even stand was right in front of the doors. By the time we got our table the wait for 2 people was 50-55 minutes.

Call me a crazy optimist, but I'm taking this as a sign that maybe, just maybe, the corner is coming up soon. That or we still don't know how to manage our budgets. Either way, the food was good!

Jeopardy

I've decided I'm sort of on a quest of trying out for games shows. I auditioned in person for Deal or No Deal in California last year. I thought I had a decent shot as I made it to round 3, but no deal (pun intended).

Yesterday I took the Jeopardy! online audition and well....

Lets just say if the answer was "this gal did miserably on her online Jeopardy audition", the question would be "Who is Lovi?"

I'm exaggerating, but only by a bit. I got some questions right for sure -- this girl knows her pop culture (i.e. celebrity relationships, movies, TV, music, etc.), but man oh man, this girl does NOT know her royal history nor geology nor biology, among a whole host of other categories.

There is no pass/fail status at the end. You just know you did well if you get an invitation to audition in person. I am not expecting said invitation, but it was fun to try it. Who Wants to be a Millionaire is next!

I'm Going To Say It: Grey's Part II

It's back and it makes sense again! There, I said it.

Just when you think this show's going down hill, they pull you back in! Now that we know there's a good reason for Denny's return, the whole sex with a ghost thing seems much more forgivable (although I'm still creeped out by Izzie's love scenes).

The last 3 episodes rocked and I'm happily dvr'ing and watching it again (at the same time, just in case I miss something).

Coming Home

When Paul comes home from work the look on Maxine’s face is simple: delight. She smiles, lets of shrieks of excitement and stretches her arms out waiting for Paul to take her. Paul takes off his jacket, washes his hands and holds Maxine. They smile each other and Paul asks her how her day was and what she did. He tells her he missed her and she grunts and coos back (right now it’s all about saying “mmm, mmm”).

When I come home from work the look on Maxine’s face is also simple: where have you been?

I love that girl.

Nantonym

As I was brushing my teeth this morning I wondering, why didn’t they make the opposite of antonym “nanotonym” as in “not antonym”, instead of synonym? I looked it up on dictionary.com and I suppose the way they did it makes sense. The suffix “nym” means word; “ant” is short for “anti” which is Greek for opposite; and “syn” is Greek for same. So, fine, it makes sense, but I stand by my thought that nantonym would be more fun to say.

Big Butt Kisser?

My favorite song at the moment is "Live Your Life" by TI and Rihanna. Though I have to admit I have probably never been more wrong about a set of lyrics every before...especially the chorus.

I swear I thought she was saying:

Just live your life
aya aya aya
No telling where it'll take ya
Just live your life
aya aya aya
Cause I'm a big butt kisser

But the more I listened, the more I thought "this can't possibly be right". To Google I headed and pretty quickly learned she was saying "cause I'm a paper chaser" which made a lot more sense. I'm happy to report I am now singing the right lyrics as I'm stuck on 35W.

I have to wonder, am I the only one that heard these lyrics so far off? This is even worse than the time I thought Natalie Merchant was saying "I must be Wanda the Wonder, God's own creation".

Post Holiday Blues

Well, it's official. The holidays are over. Technically they are 3, but I would count them more as six:

Thanksgiving, the day after, Christmas eve, Christmas day, the day after, and New Year's eve.

Paul has said to me more than a few times that it's going too fast, especially as we put our tree away this past weekend. I can't say I really felt it, but now, as I look at the date on my computer and see 1/5/2009, I realize, yes, it did go so fast.

At first it made me a little sad. I wish I had more time off. I wish I could spend more days with Maxine. I wish there was another excuse to eat cookies. I wish there was another dinner party to attend or another evening of everyone jamming into our kitchen for food and loud conversation. I wish I could be here more often to put Maxine down for her early afternoon and late afternoon naps.

Then I realized my "I wish" list could be endless if I let it be.

So instead I'm going to try to focus on the "I'm glad" list.

I'm glad I have a job, period. There are probably a lot of people out there who wish they did. I'm glad I had a nice, long vacation even though it's over. It was great while it lasted. I'm glad that while I can't be here to put Maxine down for all her naps, that she is in the loving arms of my mom and dad instead. I'm glad for my waistline that there are no more cookie excuses. I'm glad (and surprised) that I didn't actually gain any holiday weight.

So I'm done with post holiday blues. I'm hoping to be revved up for a new year and getting back to work, but one step at a time. It's only January 5th, right?